Dis Courage

Something always gets in the way, doesn’t it? Life does that. Life not only uh…finds a way, but it also gets in the way too. It’s easy to fall out of step when you’re on a roll. Easy for a bad day to keep you from getting up and doing what you need to. Easy for that day to snowball.

And most especially when you only have yourself to be accountable to.

It’s easy to make excuses when the bad days keep you off your path. “Oh, well this week was just shitty. Next week will be better.” “It’s okay that I didn’t get that done, because I was feeling awful.” Really, it is okay. For the most part. No one keeps a winning streak forever. It’s just not possible. And usually the crappy moments end up being the best teachers.

What makes those moments truly awful is when they tempt you to give up. When you trip and decide to give in and wallow in your own crapulence (in some cases very literally). That little bit of hopelessness leaves its mark. You think, “Maybe this really isn’t what I should be doing.” “What if I never make this all work?” Sometimes you even believe it for awhile. And sometimes you fall for that completely and genuinely fail.

Sometimes you don’t.

Sometimes you hear that voice telling you to pack it in and give up. It catches you off guard and you follow it for a moment, but then that other voice is still there. The voice that got you started. That voice that keeps you from sleeping at night because you have so many good ideas and you’re just so damn excited to keep trying. That voice that tells you that something completely random might just be worth telling a story about.

These voices can trade blows for a long time, one gaining the advantage over the other in a seesaw of mental horseshit. Trick is to find the balance. Believe you’ll build, but be ready to accept defeat. It will come, but you’re still full of those good ideas. Pull another out of the bag and get on with it.

I’ll say more later.



Leave a Comment

  1. Certainly a perfectly respectable and sound rationale. I find that, whatever the current state of affairs, it’s an ongoing experience whose baseline of being is forever shifting – however minutely – before it ultimately leads to an inevitable demise.

    How much that baseline shifts depends on the situation at hand. Debilitating disease or injury would be fairly marked twists, but even small bits make a difference.

    Like small bits of calcium forced out of one’s kidney and beyond. The sensation of the first part defies description – I have yet to find the words to do the experience justice – but it has certainly enriched the fabric of this fleeting life. At least until it turns to ash, anyway.

    Regardless, I highly recommend the experience to virtually everyone. This is not because it is pleasant, mind you, nor is it out of any malice or sadistic drive. No, this would be in the interest of standardizing the answers to the question “on a scale of one to ten, how much pain are you in?”

    Sometimes science takes sacrifice.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahaha! Wonderful comment. I will say that loss also throws a big wrench into things too. And losses have been a bit heavy for me this year, so that definitely colors experience as well. I’m not terribly keen on the idea of passing a kidney stone, but I understand your thinking. Standardized suffering…it might be a tough sell though.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s